The Walking Bread

I’ve turned into a Walker. A lumbering beast that follows a pack, aimlessly straggling down a marked course with only one mission: get to the end of it, and then turn around and walk back again.

Okay so it’s not as dramatic as all that.  But I have, sad to say, resorted to walking since I simply can’t muster up the motivation to engage in any other form of exercise at the moment. And this is not normal for me as those who know me well (about 2 people) will attest. But the truth is, my motivation to work out fluctuates. For the last few years it’s been a cycle of:

1. Gain weight
2. Get horrified by the weight gain
3. Frantically research new training schedules  
4. Get myself to the gym regularly and even (gasp!) do cardio
5. Eat better
6. Lose the weight
7. Feel fantastic
8. Get complacent
9. Skip a workout now and then because I think I can ‘get away with it’
10. Stop working out for a few weeks because<random excuse>
11. Start eating junk because I’m sad that I’m not working out
12. Gain weight
13. Go back to 2

I have now reached a new low where I can’t even get back to 2. For the last few months I have been stuck in a vicious loop of 11 to 13. So great is my shame that walking actually feels like a step up. “You’re doing fine.” I tell myself as I trudge along. “Look at you walking! You’re moving your body from one place to another with your legs! You’re awesome!”

These days I’m actually using a designated ‘walking area’. It’s nice because you don’t have to dodge traffic but it’s also a bit sad – seeing as about ninety percent of the people on it are senior citizens. The rest of them consist of:

• Two serious runners
• Three power walkers - you know how Pheboe runs? Well these people walk like that
• One headscarf wearing man
• One woman wearing a serviette on her head. I’m not kidding. Remember that kind of checked serviettes that your uncle who was a government clerk used to carry in his briefcase? That type of serviette.  (Okay fine, so it was my uncle who was the government clerk but you get the point.)
• One guy in sandals – who probably got lost on his way to the bus stop
• One guy walks with his head tilted like an actual zombie (why do zombies do that?)
• Me

Despite these deterrents, I have been persevering – for exactly three days. And I’m writing this because: 

1.  I wanted to use The Walking Bread in a title so very badly.
2. I’m actually kinda sorta proud of myself for doing something other than going back to sleep after getting the offspring to the school bus.
3. Using lists makes this look longer than it actually is so I can pretend I wrote something worthy.

The one good thing about these walks is that when the zombie apocalypse finally comes, and my car runs out of petrol during my escape, I will be able to walk miles and miles till I find a replacement vehicle – provided of course that it’s only 3.5 kilometers away.

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Nerd Do Extremely Well

I'm on a Simon Pegg binge. Yes, I realise that may sound a bit weird coming so soon after my Simon Baker binge. As far as I know the only thing those two have in common is starring in Land of the Dead. Funnily enough, both times that I saw Land of the Dead I had no idea that Pegg had a cameo in it (he plays one of the photobooth zombies alongside co-conspirator and utter genius Edgar Wright). What actually happened was that I read Pegg's autobiography - Nerd Do Well - and that made me want to watch everything he had ever done (what I could get hold of anyway) all over again. So I started off by watching Spaced - and this time around it was even more delicious because I was in on the back story. Once that was done the next obvious step was to watch Shaun of the Dead but I felt that I should watch Romero's Night of the Living Dead and Dawn of the Dead first, so I went ahead and did that. Incidentally I had only seen the remake of  Night of the Living Dead  before and I found the original quite impressive (one needs to overlook the chops and snaps  give that it was made in '68).  Dawn of the Dead  was long and slow. I think it's safe to say that now that I have watched it I can proceed to never see it again. Anyway, that being over with I could finally treat myself to Shaun of the Dead. Ah, now that's a helluva movie. Zombieland took a good shot at it but in my opinion  Shaun of the Dead will forever be the best darn zombie parody ever made.

Going back to the book, seriously, if you like a good chucklesnort, then for fuck's sake, read it. Laughs aside, it's well worth reading just for his insights into movies. Half way through the book I actually took out pen and paper and started adding to my movie bucket list. I'm not going to review the book because
(a) I'd be shite at writing a book review
(b) how can one review an autobiography? (yes, i know i've done it before but i was bluffing wasn't i?)
and (c) just read it already, trust me you'll like it.

so yeah.

um.

gosh, look at the time.

<splotch splotch splotch>