Dixie Porn

(Works better if you read everything in a southern accent in your head)

Set: Interior of a typical southern villa where the daughter of the house comes across their local handyman fixing the kitchen shelves.

Big Bosomed Southern Belle: “Oh, Billy-Bob I do like the way you swing your hammer! It’s just like mamma said, you’re so good with your hands!”

Robust Broad-Chested Black Dude: “uh-huh” (keeps hammering)

Big Bosomed Southern Belle: “For sure Billy-Bob, I do like the way you hammer them nails in. Makes my heart fair skip it does.” (Places hand on ample (now heaving) bosom)

Robust Broad-Chested Black Dude: “uh-huh” (pauses hammering to surreptitiously check out heaving bosom)

(Big Bosomed Southern Belle leans over worktable. Ample bosom is now working overtime)

Big Bosomed Southern Belle: “Oh i like a man who knows how to use his tools, I surely do!”

Robust Broad-Chested Black Dude slowly puts hammer down, turns, sweeps everything off the work table, picks up Big Bosomed Southern Belle and plonks her down.

Big Bosomed Southern Belle: “Oh, Billy Bob!”

(end scene)

Pepper-my-roni (act 1-scene 1)

(doorbell) ding-dong
Scantily Clad Blonde: “oh, I think my pizza’s here!”
(bounces towards door)

Unusually Buff Pizza Delivery Boy: “I hope your table’s laid coz your pizza’s here” (smirk)

Scantily Clad Blonde “I hope my table’s not the only thing that’s getting laid!”

(unusually buff pizza delivery boy sweeps open door, sweeps pizza down on the ground and sweeps scantily clad blonde off her feet and into his arms )

Unusually Buff Pizza Delivery Boy:"and i hope your doorbell's not the only thing i ring." (wiggles eyebrows)

/end scene/