Tales from a chicken coop; part deux

I'm getting used to my little cell in the nether regions of the building not-so-mysteriously alluded to as "SW". Since I was one of the first batch of inmates, i got to chose a cell with a view. It's a nice view too; all paddy fields and trees and other random green clumpy stuff.

So in other news, Steve Jobbs has passed. I'm more saddened that I expected to be. I'm pointedly avoiding Facebook, even more so than usual. Not quite in the mood to tolerate the illiterate spewings of lesser mortals today. (Yes, I'm in that kind of mood).

In other other news, the personal project that i unexpectedly started yesterday is going okay. So far I haven't murdered anyone or torn out my hair.

And that, folks, is the end of this unbearably boring post.

Tales from a chicken coop

The half eaten pizza is not a constant

Having been subject to step motherly treatment at work I should have vented while I was still good and mad. Unfortunately I was reduced to working off a laptop sitting on top of a locker (the laptop, not me) for two days and I was getting a crick in my neck. So I will gather whatever feelings of resentment and anger I can muster now and sally forth.

So basically, in a clichéd nutshell, we’ve been shoved into a personal space of approximately 3.5 feet by 2.5 feet and expected to work in such close proximity with our neighbors that if you push your chair back you bump into the person behind you. No, I’m not exaggerating. Yesterday I pushed my chair back and bumped into my ex-husband. Weird coincidence you say? Not really, he happens to be on my team.

Anyway, so obviously, from the time our stuff was unceremoniously plonked down on this sorry ass excuse for a workstation, I’ve been kicking up a steaming fuss. And after running around talking to practically everyone involved and several people not even remotely involved I at least got a partial solution. What was this solution? They took away one of my computers to make room on the work top. Brilliant notion! Why didn’t I think of that? Why I could’ve merely opened the window and… oh, that’s right, the windows don’t open.

Apparently I’m not supposed to feel bad about the fact that we are being treated differently to the other employees.

“Oh, no, dear me, don’t feel bad” they say, cheerily. “It’s not just your team. Why there are two other teams on either side of you! What’s that? The rest of the company gets to keep their workstations that are twice the size of what you have now? Pshaw, child! This is pure whimsy. Don’t go with the norm! This is the way forward! You are the pioneers of the new future! Chin up!”

And off they walk back to their ginormous office rooms.

I’ve also been told that this is a ‘temporary’ measure. And that I only have to wait till a certain new building comes up. And once it does, we will have brand spanking new accommodation. Well, by golly, so far there isn’t even a hole in the ground where the building’s supposed to fit, so where exactly am I supposed to rest my hopes? On the verdant greenery that surrounds the building wherein resides my shoddy excuse for a desk?

I guess by now you’re thinking, “surely she’s exaggerating? It’s probably not that bad” whilst sitting at your 7 foot desk and stretching your legs and leaning back as far as you damn well please. Well, I am not exaggerating. If I keep my locker under my desk as I’m supposed to, I have no space for my chair. I tried this yesterday and I had to resort to resting my elbow on my knee it order to be able to manipulate the mouse with some degree of comfort. Once the pins and needles set in my nearly comatose body had to pried off my chair.

I have been told that a list of our grievances has been forwarded to the relevant official. (I sincerely hope said official’s BMW of which I’m sure he is inordinately proud, develops engine trouble in the near future and explodes. Then I will point at him -he will be maimed, not killed- and say “ha ha” in a sneering manner. ) I don’t think anything will come of this making of lists but at least then the people who documented it will feel better. “We have forwarded it to the necessary party” they will proclaim proudly, whilst seated at their moderate sized desks in their ginormous offices.

So there it is. Stuck in a chicken coop till a building comes up. Such is my fate. I don’t like this fellow Fate, he’s a bit of a bitch.

FAQ on submitting entries for MiPhoto (or, Competition Participation for Dummies)

(Another old one. I quite liked it at the time so, yeah, here we go...)

Where do I get presentation board?

The easiest method of obtaining presentation boards would be to go your nearest stationers and ask them for presentation boards. However, if your chosen shop happens to be named along the lines of “Gunanuwana stationers” the default shopkeeper response will be “mokak?” in this instance it is advisable to seek a more renowned establishment.

What do I do if I can’t find presentation board?

In this case you have two options:

(a) Withdraw from the competition

(b) Find an alternative

If you should opt for (b), please refer the detailed instructions below.

Items required

1. Cardboard – any colour
2. Black paper – this is available at ANY stationers including “Gunanuwana stationers”.
3. I bottle of chemifix (or similar)
4. Foot ruler
5. Pencil
6. One finger

Method

1. Cut the cardboard and black paper to the specified size. You may use the foot ruler for measuring.
2. Using the foot ruler and pencil mark out the 1” margins on the black paper.
3. Open bottle of chemifix (or equivalent).
4. Using the finger, apply the chemifix evenly on the REVERSE of your photograph.
5. Place photograph carefully (glue side down) in the center of the black paper, using the margins for alignment.
6. Smooth down.
7. You can now finish by pasting the black paper on the cardboard.

(step 7 can also be performed at any stage before step 4)

Where do I find GINORMOUS envelopes?

Again, any stationary shop that has presentation boards should also have a selection of large envelopes. However, if you’re one of the unfortunates living in the locale of “Gunanuwana stationers” you may use one of the following:

• Brown paper bag
• Wrapping Paper

We do not recommend the use of news paper as the newspaper print might smudge your photograph.

How do I ‘seal’ the envelope?

There are several acceptable methods of sealing the envelope.

• Cellotape
• Stapler (when using a stapler please hold the stapler face down on the paper to avoid stapling your thumb instead)
• Masking tape
• Double sided tape (3M or any other brand)
• The funny brown tape that you use for taking lint off shirts
• Any other tape that is sticky enough to stick
• Glue
• Pāppa (for more details on how to make pāppa, please refer our accompanying booklet, Vesak lanterns for Dummies)

It is not recommended that a combination of the above items be used for sealing purposes at it would result in a MESS.