Friday, January 10, 2014

Genesis - or something like it



At first there was nothingness and then there was light
and then there were creatures of mien and might.
God made Adam and from his rib, made Eve
and Adam said thoughtfully, "but Lord, where’s Steve?."
A wily old serpent who slithered and spun
A tale so tempting of apples that were ‘yum’
and coerced poor Eve, who dimwittedly agreed
to eat from the fruit which grew on yonder tree.
God said with a frown ‘what’s the one thing I said?"
"Eat not the apples, but dine on that bread"
"Now you have done it! You’ve committed original sin!"
But dad, pleaded Adam, "we didn’t even begin!"
"Not that sin you fool, the one where she ate the fruit.
Away with you both, and yes, go barefoot.
Out of my garden and into the wild
and never look back until she’s with child.
Go forth and multiply, fractions will be next.
By Jesus, it’s Sunday!  It’s time that I rest."


Friday, July 12, 2013

Man of Steel - a mild dissection


First off, this not a review but a rant. As such, it's going to be full of SPOILERS. I hope you heard me there; I said SPOILERS. So obviously, if you haven't watched the movie, don't read this. You may have other reasons also for not reading this post - but spoiler averting is the only one I'm going to warn you about.


So about the movie then. Despite the best efforts of friends, acquaintances and people I stalk on the internet, I managed not to read the reviews or watch a single trailer leading up to the movie. So I didn't know a single thing about it other than have a mild awareness that Henry Cavill seemed to be able to pull off a skin tight onesie. Having now watched the movie I am sad to say that had I been unaware of a single element of the Superman mythology, it would have been so much easier to enjoy the movie. If all that the audience knew about Superman was that he had a red cape and could fly, then they would have been completely satisfied with Man of Steel because it features a Superman who not only wears a red cape, but flies. In case this sounds too harsh, that's not all the movie got right. They got everyone's names right for one thing. But somewhere along the way, between the explosions and the expositions, the movie seems to have misplaced its heart.
Look I understand that when you reboot a franchise, (for what is it, the third time?) that you need to come up with a totally different story line from the ones that came before. And if you want to mess around with the timeline well, I can accept that too - albeit a bit uncomfortably. But what I didn't expect or understand was why I felt nothing, absolutely nothing for the main character. I’m someone who already loves Superman. So for you to make me feel indifferent towards him movie, that was quite a feat. 

The first part, the part set in Krypton, was fine. Maybe a bit fantastic than necessary but hey, at least Russel Crowe can rock a onesie too. Then when the ship holding Kal-El landed on Earth I expected the story to continue - at least for a bit - along the familiar lines. But instead we are slapped in the face with a completely grown up Clerk Kent. Sure there are flashbacks showing us how he gained control over his powers and so on. But usually, in a movie, we get stuff that gives us a strong sense of the protagonist's personality. But with old CK, there is nothing there to establish what he's all about. His moral and behavioural code just seems to be what Jonathan Kent told him it should be. Honestly, what Henry Cavill doesn't do in three hours, Hugh Jackman does in two seconds using just one eyebrow.  

Then there are the little things that really bugged me. The flying - does he really need to wait till Jor-El points out the whole gravity thing? Did he make it through 33 years without jumping even once and realising it for himself? The stuff at the Daily Planet - Lawrence Fishburne as Perry White is an awesome concept - if we'd actually been allowed to watch him BE the character. Then there was that time Lois turns up at the train station. Superman and Zod had been battling it out all over Metropolis. The whole damn city was their arena and yet at that crucial moment Lois somehow figures out exactly where they ended up and managed to run there using her non-superspeedy legs in a matter of minutes.  Even the whole Lois and Superman thing felt perfunctory. 

Gripes aside, did I like Man of Steel? Well, yes, I liked some of it. The action sequences were quite nice - up to the point where they deciding leveling Metropolis was the way to go, that is.  Seriously, superman would never allow for that sort of super-battle to take place in a crowded city - he'd take it out into space. Anyway, as I was saying, some of it was alright, BUT watching this movie, I didn't feel the way I wanted so much to feel. I'll give the whole thing a generous 'meh' and be done with it.



Wednesday, June 05, 2013

Sandy

A friend had posted the firs line that goes 'I woke up and she wasn't there' on Facebook and asked everyone to submit a line each and help him compile a song. I decided to write a whole song - never showed it to him though, I doubt he would have been amused. :D


I woke up and she wasn’t there
Nothing left but a strand of her hair
Why did she have to go away
And leave her wig burning in my ash tray



Oh sandy
you are the one for me
but you didn’t know it
I guess i blew it
now I’ve lost
my will to live
how was I to know
it was a weave


Yesterday was our dream date
we played in the park and ate fudge cake
on the way home I bought you flowers
at a florist open after hours


We got home in the evening chill
you planted a kiss on my sheepish grin
then before I could take a breath
the sprinklers came on and got your hair all wet


Oh sandy
you are the one for me
but you didn’t know it
I guess i blew it
now I’ve lost
my will to live
how was I to know
it was a weave

Tuesday, May 28, 2013

Keyboard Diary_ entry 1



Dear Diary

You don’t know me yet, but you will. I have stated writing to you in a last stand to preserve my sanity and possibly the English language. All day long I have to suffer in silence while my owner abuses me to type out inane sentences that could not possibly make sense to anyone except possibly a cro-magnon. 

Today she spent the whole day browsing facebook, pausing only to comment on her equally stupid friends’ statuses. Every time she types in those extra vowels, I cringe. I wish I was a typewriter so that I could pretend my keys had got stuck. But alas, I’m a well-oiled (metaphorically – as oil would not be a good idea) machine and I can flawlessly type out garbage words like ‘awweeeeee”. I think this was in response to someone’s posting of a kitten. She clearly meant it as an accentuated way of saying ‘awww’ (which is an acceptable exclamation on spotting something cute) but ended up typing something that when said out loud indicates that you have fallen and hurt yourself; quite possibly in the cerebrum.  


I don’t understand humans. If my owner is to be taken as an example of intelligent life on the planet, then I wish someone actually would pour oil on me so that I can stop enabling her idiocy. 


So you see diary, I think I need you around so that I have someone to listen to me at the end of a hard day’s work.


More tomorrow,

Yours,


KU-0316

Monday, March 18, 2013

Need for Speed



Yesterday my mother went into panic mode because my sister hadn’t texted her in three days. You might argue that this was equivalent saying “oh my gosh I haven’t had a letter from XYZ in 3 months!” ten years ago. Only it wasn’t. It was three fucking days. You don’t need to go into a frenzy because someone hadn’t got in touch with you for three days. I gently reminded her that had something horrible happened to her daughter, or worst case scenario, she was dead; our aunts in Australia would have called to give us the news and therefore her anxiety attack was unfounded. To my surprise, this didn’t have the calming effect I anticipated.
Anyway, the whole thing got me thinking. Everything is sped up to the point where if, say, your browser doesn’t load a page in 2 seconds you swear at it for being the slowest thing in creation since turtles painted the great wall of china[i]. Despite the positive aspects of Everything Ever Known to Man Since Forever fitting snugly in your pocket, doesn’t this have the negative side effect of putting so much pressure on us, all the goddamned time? It’s like everyone in the world is breathing down our neck; watching, listening and waiting.
I remember once I forgot to take my phone to work. At first, it was nerve wracking; but after a while, the realization that no one could find me if I so much as stepped outside of the office hit me. And damn, that felt so liberating. So what if I missed a few calls and a few texts; if there was a real emergency there still were a dozen ways for anyone to get in touch with me. Imagine being back in a world where for little spaces of time, no one could reach you. A little pocket of alone-ness. Sure, you could always switch off our phone. But have you tried to? You can’t can you. The best you can do is put it on silent and then keep checking your phone twice as often just in case you missed the vibrating alert.
Technology is a wonderful scary beast. I couldn’t live without it.  I just wish we could slow things down once in a while.



[i] They didn’t

Wednesday, January 16, 2013

Double Whammy

I'm watching the Golden Globes and Sylvester Stallone is called on (with Arnold Shwatzenegger) to present the award for best foreign film.  So of course I'm ridiculously excited and watching the whole thing with a grin planted on my face when one of the films nominated turns out to be called Kon Tiki. There are a few things that hit me between the eyes when it comes to my father, and the book The Kon Tiki Expedition is one of them. He loved that book. It seemed like a dull tedious tome and i didn't want to read it but if my father said 'here, do this' I did, because to me he was omniscient. I read it, and I loved it. I tried to get all my friends to read it but being the 13 year old girls they were (i mean they were, literally, 13 year old girls) they refused to. So Kon Tiki became another one of those extra special things I shared just with thaaththa. And I'm telling you; seeing that they made the movie, knowing how excited he would have been about it, and then, not being able to go home and tell him the news; that just blows.

Sunday, December 30, 2012

Small man, big shoes



He’s by no means modest – and why should he be? He was Rocky. He was Rambo. He has achieved more than few of us even imagine possible. Yet, he is not burdened by ego. When you listen to him talk, the way he speaks about himself and his highs and lows, it’s usually with adorable self-deprecating humour. I recently came across an interview he did back in 1989 while in Australia promoting Rambo III; the host asks him whether this third installment would be the last of the Rambo movies. His reply was "I think so. Of course I would never trust anything I say, I've not been proven right quite a lot". And that's pretty much his approach in all his interviews; candid, tongue in cheek, and a lot of fun to listen to.
Physically, I mean body wise, the man is phenomenal. He achieved his peak in the 90s – no wonder he stripped down to nothing in practically every movie he did at the time! If you've got it, then by all means lay bare your perfectly sculptured butt to the world. No complaint from this quarter. The man is 66 now and still in astounding shape. Now that’s commitment to a cause.
Life didn't start out all sunshine and heavy bags for Stallone. A botched forceps delivery left him with one side of his face partially paralyzed which caused his "perennial snarl" as he calls it (“people ask me, why don’t you smile? and I say, I can’t! Maybe if I stand on my head! "). His not so lucid locution is also a result of this. You wouldn't expect someone with those setbacks to pursue a career in acting. Yet the scrawny kid with a lisp, who bore the same moniker as a cartoon cat, transformed himself through relentless hard work and the gumption to go on even with no reward in sight.
Even the mildest Rocky fan probably knows how he started out. The struggling actor with just 106 dollars in the bank, the one who sold his dog because he couldn't afford to feed him; one day went down to watch a boxing match between Chuck Wepner and Mohammed Ali and changed the world. Well, maybe not changed, but at least jolted it a little bit. In three and a half days, in a caffeine fueled writing binge, Stallone came up with a rough draft of what would eventually become the Rocky story we know and love. The story of how the studio wanted to buy the script from him and how he refused to sell out, insisting that be allowed to star in it, is now part of Hollywood legend. The studio finally relented, allowing the no-name actor to star, gave them a heavily restricted budget and a month to film. They made the movie in 28 days on a budget of less than a million dollars but somehow, during the making of Rocky, magic happened.
 A lot of it has to do with the story. There’s this bruiser who is down on his luck, pretty much resorted to reduce his love for boxing to more or less a hobby and working as muscle for a loan shark. You would expect this man to be a bullish, hot headed lump. But instead, he is a gentle giant. One of the reasons director John Avildson was said to have loved the script was because of the early scene where Rocky comes home after his fight with Spider Rico and then has a conversation with his pet turtles (the ever enduring Cuff and Link).  Then again this story is presented to us wrapped up around such an amazing cast. Talia Shire gives us Adrian, who goes from being painfully shy and withdrawn to become the core of Rocky’s world. Burgess Meredith as Micky; bitingly sarcastic, tell it like it is Mick; who grows to love Rocky like a son. Burt young plays Paulie to perfection; jealous, bitter, thinking the world owes him; yet Rocky sees the good in him and patiently puts up with his belligerence. And of course what would Rocky be without Carl Weathers, who seems to channel the great Ali himself in his portrayal of Apollo Creed.
Stallone did something amazing with the whole Rocky saga. No matter how much you criticize the sequels, you have to admit that to make Rocky evolve, to narrate a story over six movies, that's not something that's easy to do. Yet one feels that Rocky is Stallone's catharsis. Each movie is almost autobiographical, in that Stallone seems to find a voice through Rocky. It must be therapeutic to write something that allows you to deal with the turmoil of your own life and to find peace through your writing, to some extent. If you watch the movies back to back like I did, the experience is amazing. The final Rocky Balboa ties it all up lovingly and gives a fitting farewell to a beloved character. No matter how many times I watch the Rocky saga, that damn movie makes me cry like a girl, every single time.
Known the world over for his iconic roles in Rocky and Rambo most people are willing to dismiss him as being incapable of taking on a serious dramatic role. He proved them wrong in Copland, where he played the overweight, partially deaf Sheriff Freddy Heflin. Stallone actually piled on 40 pounds for the role, and I’m glad the director insisted that he did, because that weighed down look he has; that lumbering, cowed by the world attitude; comes forth brilliantly as a result.
Every now and then Stallone has also tried his hand at more comedic roles. The responses to these by both audiences and critics have not been kind. My feeling is that Stallone is an acquired taste. If you like the guy, you can like him in pretty much any role (though Rhinestone really really tests you). Because even though he’s not so spot on, you know he’s having a lark doing it and you sort of enjoy it with him.
He's always put so much effort into each role he takes on that you can't help but be impressed, even if the movie itself wasn't that great. His commitment to his characters is always unquestionable and to me, that just makes him a delight to watch. In Cliffhanger, where he plays Gabe Walker, part of a mountain rescue team, he really pushes himself to the edge - literally. More than ninety percent of his stunts, he did himself, and piled on about 20 pounds of muscle to prep for the role. In a later documentary about the making of the movie, editor Frank J Urioste points out that some of the shots where Stallone is scaling the rock face, he's doing it without a safety line. And this is a guy who admits that heights make him uncomfortable. Imagine taking on a character to the extent of forgetting your own limitations. During a later interview, when questioned about his fear of heights, he quips; “ever since my second marriage I've been terrified of heights” (referring to his famously disastrous two year marriage to Bridgette Neilson). Again during an interview on Centerstage he was asked why he does most of his own stunts (the direct reference was that in Driven he had actually hit over 200mph on the track) and his reply; “because I’m an idiot”.
The thing with Stallone is, he is somewhat of a perfectionist and to say he works hard at a role is an understatement. With Rocky he pretty much revolutionized way boxing movies and indeed sports movies were presented. The way the fight between Rocky and Creed was filmed; boxing matches in movies had never been presented like that before, with the audience able to see the whole fluidity of the two people in the ring instead of close shots like was the norm at the time. But the boxing coach they had hired didn't agree with Stallone's vision. When Stallone said to him; "I'd like to have Carl Weathers come out of the corner and throw four right hands right away” he refused saying that it wouldn’t happen that way in a real fight and ultimately quit.  The workaround Avildson came up with was to script the fight and that’s exactly what Stallone did. Jab by jab, move by move he scripted the entire 15 rounds and that’s how the amazing fight sequence between Rocky and Apollo Creed came into being. When filming Rocky Balboa at the age of 60, not only did Stallone undergo six weeks of rigorous training to come up with the astounding physique you see in the movie, he made the fight more realistic too. A hit is a hit and when Stallone goes down in the ring, he goes down for real. So inspired was Antonio Tarver (who plays reigning heavyweight champion Mason Dixon and Rocky’s opponent in the ring) that he says “One thing I’ve learned from the movie. I was going to give myself a three year window (and) hang up my gloves. But seeing Rocky Balboa, seeing Sylvester Stallone, who knows, I may be able to do this five, six, seven years to come.” 
When asked about his place in the movie industry Stallone says that he considers himself an "outsider". For certain, he is not beloved by critics, even if some of the movies panned by them did rather well at the box office. Stallone may never be considered a brilliant actor. The double nominations he got from the Academy for Rocky (best screenplay and best actor - only the third person to be nominated in both categories in the same year) will quite possibly be the first and last nod he gets from them. But when you consider him, you have to consider him as Stallone the person, not Stallone the actor. Stallone the person, is an amazingly intelligent, spontaneously funny man who is not slow to admit when he’s wrong nor to bask in it a little when he gets it right. He’s a guy who keeps going and doesn't seem to feel the need to slow down, let alone stop.  Indeed he seems to live by the adage in the unforgettable speech from Rocky Balboa when he said “it’s not about how hard you hit, it’s about how hard you can get hit... How much you can take and keep moving forward…”
Rocky was not about wining; it was about having the heart to go the distance. And in life, that's pretty much what Stallone has done.  He may not have won each fight but he sure as hell is going the distance. At five-foot-ten he may seem smallish; but those shoes, man, it’s going to take a helluva lot to fill those shoes he leaves behind.    

Tuesday, December 25, 2012

His and Hers

I believe in gender inequality - to a certain degree at least. Now while such a statement is liable to get me stoned by staunch feminists I fear I must stand by it. Don't get me wrong, I don't believe that women should be either suppressed or oppressed or any of that stuff. Each and every person should be treated fairly despite their sex. Equal pay and all that for sure. The vote, of course.  I just believe that men and women are different and that there's no point trying to prove them both mentally and physically equal. I'm walking on very thin ice here, so let me elaborate. When I say that men and women aren't equal I don't mean that one sex is better than the other; I mean that each sex is different and that we should celebrate those differences than try to meld one into the other and create some super non-being. In short, when women state that "we can do whatever a man can I do" I will quietly disagree. Because we can't. We're not physically or emotionally built for it. And neither can a man do anything a woman can for the exact same reasons. We each have a role to play and we can play it whilst giving the other sex the respect they deserve and without the need to prove that one is stronger than the other.
I can survive without a man around. I can drive my kid to school, pay the bills, handle the basic DIY jobs around the house, and whatever else is required all the while maintaining a full time job. But this is out of necessity. When my car breaks down; I hate having to source mechanics, run to the garage in-between tackling all the other chores, and then end up having the mechanic treat me like an imbecile. I'm sure that over the years I have agreed to replace parts that don't need replacing and allowed them to fix things that weren't broken. Hell, I went in to get the car serviced a couple of months ago and ended up with a bill for 25k because they insisted on replacing half the thums and bobs that go into the doo-hickey. So would I rather have a man around to take over things like that things I'm totally inept at? hells yes. That's just an example, and also, that's just me. But what I was trying to explain there is that while you'll have to battle me to the death to wrestle a screwdriver away from me, there are things that I'm hopeless at, that I know a man would better at, and I'm willing to admit it.
As always, I have gracelessly deviated from the subject matter. So let me meander some more. For me, it all comes down to dividing tasks depending on who would be better at it. If you were to go for a role reversal, women can certainly hunt while the men gathered. but who would be better at it? The men would soon get bored, eat whatever they had managed to gather so far and then skip off to the nearest watering hole for some fermented coconut water. Meanwhile the women would have laboured more but hunted less and come home tired and hungry to find Bantha snoring in front of a fast dying fire, no dinner, and the kids wrapped up in banana leaves.
Play to your strengths. You can be female and still have the balls to tackle anything but you don't have to go so far as to develop a need to scratch them in public. .

A Pilgrim’s Progress- Day 1

All weights being equal, I have decided to give Power World a shot.   I noticed this particular one a while back, when driving by. So one da...