Something New - a substandard recap

The plot of Something New can be said to be formulaic. I mean, it does adhere to the general four-step plot outline that romantic comedies are made of:

Step 1 - boy meets girl under contrived circumstances. One of them immediately fancies the other whilst he/she doesn’t give a toss.

Step 2 - despite the initial issues they fall in love

Step 3 – along come the MISUNDERSTANDING which causes them to fight, and part ways.

Step 4 -  they realize they can’t be apart and they make a (usually public and embarrassing) declaration of love and get back together just in time for the credits to roll - over some festive scene.

Now if you think I’ve gone and spoilt the ending of this movie I say to you, come on, give me a break you silly person, you knew that was going to happen.

This movie however does give us something new – in that there’s a bit of a role reversal and the issues faced by the couple aren’t the usual frivolous "oh i didn't tell you my real name in the beginning so now i'm going to have to stick with Johnny Fannybanger and lie to you for half the movie" sort. 

Our female lead Kenya Mc Queen (Sanaa Lathan) is some sort of financial whiz working in the big leagues and on her way to a possible partnership at her firm. She displays her commitment to her career by always dressing for work, even on a Saturday, and acting like she has the proverbial rod up her arse. A co-worker, Leah, who’s going to get married soon and worried that Kenya is perpetually single, offers to set her up with a friend of hers -  Brian  - tall, hot, newly single and an architect. Kenya dismisses the idea because she doesn’t do blind dates. (Over the course of the movie we will be introduced to a whole lot of things that  Kenya “doesn’t do”).

After work, Kenya catches up with her girlfriends for dinner and drinks. It’s like an all black casting of sex and the city. Men and relationships are the topic of conversation and the girls wonder whether it’s time they steered away from the notion of the IBM (Ideal Black Man) and tried to live it up a little.

Perhaps emboldened by this conversation, we see that Kenya has changed her mind about a blind date with Brian the architect. She gets to the rendevouz point, only to discover to her mortification that Brian is tall, hot and WHITE. I think I should mention at this point that Brian is being played by Simon Baker and that lest my laptop explode from the combined Sanaa/Simon hotness I have decided to screencap the movie using muppets.

Kenya, possibly horrified at the thought of being seen with a white man on a date, makes an excuse and leaves.

Gaaaaah! Er, I mean, it was nice meeting you but now i have leavaaaaargh! 

Brian seems more amused at her reaction than annoyed. I, on the other hand, am wondering whether it would be a good idea to keep a bucket of water handy for the duration of the recap.

While at Leah’s engagement party (or something) Kenya expresses her admiration for the garden (she’s recently bought a house and the garden is a barren wasteland) to Leah’s mother. She immediately introduces her to the landscaper – who for some reason has been invited to the party - and turns out to be Brian. ("I thought you were an architect?" "Landscape architect.") Clearly overcome by guilt for her behavior at the coffee shop, Kenya tries to compensate by hiring Brian to tend her garden er... do up her backyard er... there's no way I can make that sound clean is there?  After a few scenes to establish Kenya’s uprightness and Brian’s insane hotness easy going attitude, Brian takes on the job and immediately moves in with his crew to start work.

I hope you don't mind, I brought my dog along. Oh you don't do dogs? That's okay, neither do I. 

At this point, the movie decides to give us a bit more insight to Leah’s family. Her brother Nelson turns up at her place, with his bimbo of the week tagging along and proceeds to let us know that he’s  boorish as well as shallow by referring to Brian as ‘the help’.  Having heard of her blind date, Nelson also asks Kenya whether she’s “sleeping with the enemy”; she quickly puts him straight saying it was just a date and that nothing happened. A little later we meet her parents; her father is a doctor and her mother a socialite. Clearly the family is held in high regard within the black community and they have strict notions about not muddying the waters, if you know what I mean. 

That Nelson, always with a chick on his arm

 Kenya and Brian, bond a little, albeit clumsily. He’s too easy going to be put off by her stiffness and in a frank discussion one night she admits after some probing that she wouldn't consider a relationship with a white guy, stating that it’s a “preference, not a prejudice”. Brian points out that it may be her preference to be prejudiced. Like I said before, the movie is not frivolous. Where necessary, it takes the bull by the horns.  (And for reasons I’d rather not disclose, I now regret using that metaphor.) We get scenes from Kenya’s workplace that show us that bigotry is somewhat rampant in the workplace as well, as far as certain clients are concerned. The movie also introduces us to the term Black Tax – the fact that you have to work harder to get things if you’re black.  But where relationships are concerned, the fact that it’s the blacks who are being racist in the movie is a reversal that is rather interesting.

One day, in effort to loosen her up, Brian drags Kenya off on a hike. Inevitably, it rains, they get wet, huddle under a tree, make out and I die a little inside. The ride home is strained, Kenya clearly regrets her momentary weakness and she tries to regain her aloofness and shoo Brian off. Predictably he comes back and sigh, pardon me while I take a moment here to weep silently for a few minutes.

The next morning, it's all mushiness and bran crackers till Brian comments on her hair – she wears a weave  - and she gets pissed off  and tells him it was all a mistake and fires him. Kenya then meets up with her girlfriends and confesses her lascivious liaisons with the landscaper. Though initially shocked, they're glad the Kenya is finally getting some.  And they tell her to let herself have some fun. "you don't have to marry the guy", they say "For once in your life get some good old fashioned sex" 

Girrrrrl, you needs to let it flow. 

So she gets her weave taken out and  goes back home just in time to intercept Brian and to tell him not to go.

oh hai, i got my hair done. we can has sex? kthx

Despite their differences, Brian and Kenya seem happy together. It’s only when they go out – and they only seem to hang out with her friends – that he is out of his element, often being the only white guy in the room. Her friends are wary of him and though he tries to blend in, it never quite fits. But when they’re alone, the chemistry is obvious.  Being with him allows her to loosen up a little and she literally and metaphorically lets some colour into her life. 
Meanwhile, the garden having been completed, Kenya throws a party. This is the first time that her family is meeting Brian in the role of boyfriend and her mother deals with it by not acknowledging it. Nelson, it turns out has scouted out  a suitor for Kenya and brings him along to the party and introduces her to the very suave Mark Harper (Blair Underwood). Kenya’s mother is soon to nudge her in his direction, pointing out his obvious suitability – he’s certainly IBM material.

by the power of my pin striped suit, i will woo you fair maiden

Soon enough, Kenya and Brian give in to the strain of the relationship, fight and break up. Immediately afterwards Kenya starts dating Mark and when Brian comes around wanting to patch things up she says no, she’s seeing someone. And yes, he's black. 

but i loves you Kenya! i yearn for you to the ends of my amazing blonde curls! 

(The woman is mentally ill, methinks. How could anyone resist someone so hunkalicious as Brian? If I showed him the door, it would only be as something to lean against. )

Anyway, a whole lot of nothing later the movie decides to move into step 4 and Kenya realizes that Brian is THE ONE and ditches a predictably snooty event to run off in search for him. Here, the movie would have us believe that f she doesn't declare her love for him that very same day that all hope is lost. Well, I suppose in a way it is, because when else is she going to be able to flaunt the relationship in the faces of the pinnacles of black society all in one go? She’d have to wait another year to gather all those people together under one roof. So I guess it's today or never and all the running around and wringing of hands was necessary.

Anyway, all’s well that ends well and we end with the Kenya-Brian wedding where we finally get a small glimpse of his side of the family, well, his father anyway. The credits aren’t rolling yet, but you’ll have to excuse me now, I think my hair is on fire.