Tales from a chicken coop

The half eaten pizza is not a constant

Having been subject to step motherly treatment at work I should have vented while I was still good and mad. Unfortunately I was reduced to working off a laptop sitting on top of a locker (the laptop, not me) for two days and I was getting a crick in my neck. So I will gather whatever feelings of resentment and anger I can muster now and sally forth.

So basically, in a clichéd nutshell, we’ve been shoved into a personal space of approximately 3.5 feet by 2.5 feet and expected to work in such close proximity with our neighbors that if you push your chair back you bump into the person behind you. No, I’m not exaggerating. Yesterday I pushed my chair back and bumped into my ex-husband. Weird coincidence you say? Not really, he happens to be on my team.

Anyway, so obviously, from the time our stuff was unceremoniously plonked down on this sorry ass excuse for a workstation, I’ve been kicking up a steaming fuss. And after running around talking to practically everyone involved and several people not even remotely involved I at least got a partial solution. What was this solution? They took away one of my computers to make room on the work top. Brilliant notion! Why didn’t I think of that? Why I could’ve merely opened the window and… oh, that’s right, the windows don’t open.

Apparently I’m not supposed to feel bad about the fact that we are being treated differently to the other employees.

“Oh, no, dear me, don’t feel bad” they say, cheerily. “It’s not just your team. Why there are two other teams on either side of you! What’s that? The rest of the company gets to keep their workstations that are twice the size of what you have now? Pshaw, child! This is pure whimsy. Don’t go with the norm! This is the way forward! You are the pioneers of the new future! Chin up!”

And off they walk back to their ginormous office rooms.

I’ve also been told that this is a ‘temporary’ measure. And that I only have to wait till a certain new building comes up. And once it does, we will have brand spanking new accommodation. Well, by golly, so far there isn’t even a hole in the ground where the building’s supposed to fit, so where exactly am I supposed to rest my hopes? On the verdant greenery that surrounds the building wherein resides my shoddy excuse for a desk?

I guess by now you’re thinking, “surely she’s exaggerating? It’s probably not that bad” whilst sitting at your 7 foot desk and stretching your legs and leaning back as far as you damn well please. Well, I am not exaggerating. If I keep my locker under my desk as I’m supposed to, I have no space for my chair. I tried this yesterday and I had to resort to resting my elbow on my knee it order to be able to manipulate the mouse with some degree of comfort. Once the pins and needles set in my nearly comatose body had to pried off my chair.

I have been told that a list of our grievances has been forwarded to the relevant official. (I sincerely hope said official’s BMW of which I’m sure he is inordinately proud, develops engine trouble in the near future and explodes. Then I will point at him -he will be maimed, not killed- and say “ha ha” in a sneering manner. ) I don’t think anything will come of this making of lists but at least then the people who documented it will feel better. “We have forwarded it to the necessary party” they will proclaim proudly, whilst seated at their moderate sized desks in their ginormous offices.

So there it is. Stuck in a chicken coop till a building comes up. Such is my fate. I don’t like this fellow Fate, he’s a bit of a bitch.