The Dating Game

The elders say that when early man walked the earth, dating was a much simpler process. Man A spots Woman B squatting by the communal fire, goes up to her, grunts a few times, clubs her over the head and drags her over to the nearest cave by her hair. And they probably lived happily ever after. One must make a note here that the modern day ‘clubbing’ ritual is vastly different and somewhat inferior to this early system. Although the end result for the female is the same; a headache; in present times it does not guarantee that the male will actually get some post clubbing action.

This brings us to the concept of dating. Dating involves a series of long thought out meetings all of which are focused towards the common goal of getting laid. The how and where of these dates depend on the individuals concerned but it usually involves food, drinks and the aforementioned latter version of clubbing.

But wait, we need to talk about the pre-dating process as well. Pre-dating involves actually discovering someone shagworthy© and then going through elaborate measures to find out their name, relationship status and sexual preferences. This process is made simpler using a medium known as facebook which will allow you to stalk your prey in anonymity until you decide to make your presence known. It doesn’t end there, oh no. once contact is established, instead of simply telling that person you fancy their pants off, you need to get embroiled in a series of mind games that more often than not brings negative results. Fuckwittage inevitably ensues.

I personally have tired of this ritualistic proceeding. I think it’d be much simpler to invest in a club, or spear, hide behind a convenient pillar and wait.