Happiness (or, Why Nature Wants Us to Fuck Other People)

Wisdom that visited me at 2AM – it’s time to stop believing in the happily ever after; at the most all we can hope for is the happy right now.

And actually, I think it IS true. We spend our time looking for happiness on a grand scale and because of this we often disregard the moments. I don’t think anyone has ever experienced unconditional happiness. It’s just not possible. There is no happily ever after. The most we can strive for is companionship ever after. And companionship doesn’t necessarily have to come from one source.

Is this why relationships fail? Because we look for that one person to fulfill ALL of our needs? And then when they don’t deliver, we get disappointed, disinterested and start looking all over again. And the cycle continues; the pursuit of perfection or near perfection. And when we encounter someone who comes close to our idea of near perfection, we latch on.
This is what I like to call the blind-as-the-proverbial-bat stage of a relationship. This is when we call up our friends and say “he/she is amazing. I can’t believe I’m this lucky”. Later on, you begin to realize that most of the characteristics that you found attractive in this person are not permanent. It was just nature’s way of making us conform to the other person’s expectations. Nature, you see, doesn’t believe in long term, monogamous relationships. Nature just wants us to stay attracted long enough to procreate (nature can be a bit of an asshole that way).

So the longer you stay in a relationship the harder is it to maintain this level of compatibility. Somewhere along the line we see each other’s flaws, and here we come to the why-the-fuck-have-you-changed stage of the relationship. We claim the other person has ‘changed’ and we demand the person we fell in love with back instead of this imposter. Truth is, this is who he/she was all along. We just didn’t see it that way. And there’s no way on earth you’re getting the blind-bat stage partner back. Because he doesn’t exist – nature was just pulling the blinkers on you.

At this point there’s two ways to go. Option one is to man up, admit that you were wrong and see whether it’s possible to tolerate this (somewhat) new person –warts and all. Option two is to confess that the relationship has officially jumped the shark, say bye bye, pack up your blinkers and move on.

If I seem to have digressed from the whole happiness thing, well, I haven’t really. I mean it’s all kind of linked to what I was trying to say in the first place. Happiness should be taken from the moments. You know those short bursts of warm fuzzy happiness? Hang on to them, remember them, because that’s all you ever get; a long series of random moments of happiness.

Musings (8)

If whilst trying to pick yourself up and move on you should trip and fall flat on your face again, try crawling for a while. The view is kinda interesting from down here.

numb

poked some holes in a wall to let the sunlight through

felt good

warm

alive

thought that the going would finally be good

but

hey

that’s life

takes you by surprise

trips you up

fell down

face first

found the bricks that i’d laid down

put them back

shut you out

feel my way along the grainy surface

that familiar enclosure

no more sunshine

at least not for now

close my eyes

submit to numbness

the calm

before the crash

silent screams

Does it ever cease, this haunting

The creak of the gate that midnight brings

specters rolling in

never strong enough to keep them at bay

poking their dusty fingers into the recesses of your mind

taunting, leering ghosts of memories

crush them underfoot yet the mist comes creeping through

turn your head towards the light

but it’s just a fading glow

overcome, swept away

carried off in their withering arms

rustling whispers, silent screams

demanding the sacrifice of will

crushed

defeated

puppet on a string

dance to their cacophonous melody

ever dancing, never still

Flutter Flutter, Blink

Flirting. I have never been and ever will be any good at it. It’s supposed to come naturally to every female but me? I wouldn’t even know where to start.

My earliest attempt as I recall would have been when I was around 4 years old. I was in nursery, and I really wanted to make friends with the boy sitting next to me. So to get his attention I stuck a pencil in his ear. He didn’t appreciate the gesture and complained to the teacher. Then again, nursery wasn’t the best time of my life. One time, I decapitated a doll and there was such a fuss made by all the twittering girls in the playhouse that I went home feeling like a murderer. For days I was shunned by everyone. No, nursery wasn’t a good time.

Anyway, where was I? oh yes, the flirting. So, yeah, how exactly is one supposed to go at it? From what I’ve seen girls do, there are varied approaches to the art of flirting.

1. The dumb blonde routine – act like you can’t tie your shoelaces or do simple math and the boys come a-flocking. It’s like they have an idiot radar.
2. The damsel in distress routine – pretend you need help with everything. Give out the “help help I’m too dainty and fragile” signal and there they’ll be pouring your drink and opening doors and driving you around while you go shopping for shoes.

Okay so I can only think of only two, but still, those two kind of cover the bases of all things that attract the guys. They like being needed. They love to complain about being needed yet they thrive on it. Take the neediness away and they will go in search of an even more helpless girl.

Well, I just can’t do it. I mean, yes, having a knight in shining denim* around would be nice. But I’ll be damned if I’m going flutter my ill-proportioned eyelashes and ask for help. Ask me to go talk to a boy and I’ll probably start making self deprecating jokes, discuss what movies we’ve each seen, join him in admiring Anne Hathaways boobs and end up being his best friend. And one day he will come running up to me and say “I met this awesome chick today.” And wham! I’m officially one of the guys.

So there we are. Right about now, the pencil stabbing thing is beginning to sound like a good idea…

(* can't take credit for "the knight in shining denim". stole it from a book.)

Dixie Porn

(Works better if you read everything in a southern accent in your head)

Set: Interior of a typical southern villa where the daughter of the house comes across their local handyman fixing the kitchen shelves.

Big Bosomed Southern Belle: “Oh, Billy-Bob I do like the way you swing your hammer! It’s just like mamma said, you’re so good with your hands!”

Robust Broad-Chested Black Dude: “uh-huh” (keeps hammering)

Big Bosomed Southern Belle: “For sure Billy-Bob, I do like the way you hammer them nails in. Makes my heart fair skip it does.” (Places hand on ample (now heaving) bosom)

Robust Broad-Chested Black Dude: “uh-huh” (pauses hammering to surreptitiously check out heaving bosom)

(Big Bosomed Southern Belle leans over worktable. Ample bosom is now working overtime)

Big Bosomed Southern Belle: “Oh i like a man who knows how to use his tools, I surely do!”

Robust Broad-Chested Black Dude slowly puts hammer down, turns, sweeps everything off the work table, picks up Big Bosomed Southern Belle and plonks her down.

Big Bosomed Southern Belle: “Oh, Billy Bob!”

(end scene)