Our story starts with a flash sequence of images, including, but not limited to; the sunrise, various flora (but surprisingly no fauna), a jungle trail, a guy alone in tent looking rather woebegone, the same guy attired in questionable hiking gear following the aforementioned trail, and a woman clad in a purple swathing thing writhing near a stream.
Okay, Purple Woman just started singing. I can’t make out all the words – nor do I want to – I just wish it would stop.
Hiking Guy meanwhile, is consulting a map (or a printout that was dipped in tea) and stumbling through the forest.
Plot twist! There appears to be another irrationally clad explorer in the vicinity. She is also consulting a map, which looks suspiciously similar to the one hiking guy was holding. Maybe they were selling them at the hotel gift shop.
Meanwhile, Purple Woman is still singing. There are many exclamations of ‘oh-oh, oh-oh-oh’. And at one point I swear she said ‘shin guard-ta haadu deela’; which sounds like an extremely unhygienic thing to do.
Hiking Man looks up – does he hear her? Nope. He’s just blundering about, pausing at moments to look wistfully upwards and doing his best not to drive the plot forward.
Purple Woman now claims that ‘nethwal amunala’. This sounds like a painful medical condition and perhaps she should make her way back into civilization and consult a doctor.
Iraj pops in at this point in a cloud of smoke to inform us, that it’s (a ) a giniyam rae - although everything that preceded his appearance occurred in broad daylight and (b) nima wen nae – which sounds rather improbable.
I’m going to ignore the lyrics from this point onwards because it’s clear that they don’t follow a cohesive pattern. We now take a break from Iraj and Purple Woman to check up on Hiking Guy. Hiking Guy has clearly not watched Nat Geo or Discovery or even Sesame Street, since he has no idea how to drink water from a stream. Instead of cupping it in his hands like a normal person, he bends down and drinks like an animal. Even Mowgli, who was raised by wolves for heaven’s sake, had a better system in place to stay hydrated. For shame Hiking Guy, for shame.
He walks on, consulting his map and comes to another stream. Or a different part of the same stream. I don’t know. Do you even care? This time he takes off his shoes and wades in. he reaches into the water and bring out a - is it a fish? Is it a fish? Please tell me it’s a fish! Nope. It’s a tiny box shaped like a miniature treasure chest. A wooden one, that’s been in water and is not even waterlogged. In fact, it looks freshly varnished. Also, please note there are no markings or anything in the surrounding area that he could have followed to get to it. The box appears to be filled with gemstones. Cringe.
Iraj is back, with his foretelling of the never-ending flaming night. He’s joined this time by someone in a floral shirt. Floral Shirt Guy is just bouncing round, not really contributing at this point.
Now we get back to focusing big time on Irrationally Clad Explorer Girl. She’s tied a strip of cloth round her thigh and stuck her map in it. Which is probably the best place for it because her clothing doesn’t offer much room to stash anything in. she’s really very poorly equipped for a foray into the jungle - she isn’t even carrying a bottle of water. But with the number of streams and water holes littering this place I guess it won’t really be a problem.
A quick flashy-flashy sequence of Iraj, Camofluaged Hiking Guy, Purple Woman and we switch back to Irrationally Clad Explorer Girl, now in a bikini, jumping into some sort of deep pool of water.
Cut to Hiking Guy, who turns, probably at the sound of the
splash. He makes his way towards the noise. Wait, what’s this! A new entrant to
the story! A red haired woman clad in a pink bikini, is diving into the same
pool of water Irrationally Clad Explorer Girl is floundering round in. Where did
she come from? It’s definitely not singing purple woman – she was blond.
Guy In Floral Shirt appears, rapping now. Did he just say “dan full happening magey apaaya?”. Surely not.
Irrationally Clad Explorer Girl and Pink Bikini are getting all friendly like now. They proceed to take their tops off and check each other for leeches, or engage in some mutual back scratching, I can’t really tell. Hiking Guy, who witnesses this episode of female camaraderie, is pleased.
And now we cut to what seems to be a beach party. This
surely is an area overrun with bodies of water. Everyone from our story is here,
plus some extras (or Iraj’s drinking buddies). This appears to be the Giniyam
Rae that Iraj so jubilantly foretold.
Hiking Guy is not waiting round any longer. He quickly gets both Irrationally Clad Explorer Girl and Pink Bikini to join him in his tent (the same tent he was moping in at the beginning of the story – now granted a starring role in our narrative). There’s some hazy backlit shadowy making out in the confines of that tiny tent. Seriously, it’s a very small tent. Like those tents people sell on the pavement. I don’t know how they all fit in there.
And now it’s morning. Clearly, Iraj was just having us on with the ‘nima wen nae’ part of his prophecy. Hiking Man wakes up shirtless and opens his ‘treasure chest’ to find it empty. Overcome, (by shame and embarrassment I guess, for appearing in this video) he grimaces and claps his hand to his forehead, adopting the classic ‘ayyo’ stance.
And thus, the story comes to an end. If there is a moral to the story it would be: upon finding rare gemstones in an unmarked location, proceed immediately to the Sri Lanka Gem & Jewellery Exchange instead of mucking about at beach parties and such.
