Happiness (or, Why Nature Wants Us to Fuck Other People)

Wisdom that visited me at 2AM – it’s time to stop believing in the happily ever after; at the most all we can hope for is the happy right now.

And actually, I think it IS true. We spend our time looking for happiness on a grand scale and because of this we often disregard the moments. I don’t think anyone has ever experienced unconditional happiness. It’s just not possible. There is no happily ever after. The most we can strive for is companionship ever after. And companionship doesn’t necessarily have to come from one source.

Is this why relationships fail? Because we look for that one person to fulfill ALL of our needs? And then when they don’t deliver, we get disappointed, disinterested and start looking all over again. And the cycle continues; the pursuit of perfection or near perfection. And when we encounter someone who comes close to our idea of near perfection, we latch on.
This is what I like to call the blind-as-the-proverbial-bat stage of a relationship. This is when we call up our friends and say “he/she is amazing. I can’t believe I’m this lucky”. Later on, you begin to realize that most of the characteristics that you found attractive in this person are not permanent. It was just nature’s way of making us conform to the other person’s expectations. Nature, you see, doesn’t believe in long term, monogamous relationships. Nature just wants us to stay attracted long enough to procreate (nature can be a bit of an asshole that way).

So the longer you stay in a relationship the harder is it to maintain this level of compatibility. Somewhere along the line we see each other’s flaws, and here we come to the why-the-fuck-have-you-changed stage of the relationship. We claim the other person has ‘changed’ and we demand the person we fell in love with back instead of this imposter. Truth is, this is who he/she was all along. We just didn’t see it that way. And there’s no way on earth you’re getting the blind-bat stage partner back. Because he doesn’t exist – nature was just pulling the blinkers on you.

At this point there’s two ways to go. Option one is to man up, admit that you were wrong and see whether it’s possible to tolerate this (somewhat) new person –warts and all. Option two is to confess that the relationship has officially jumped the shark, say bye bye, pack up your blinkers and move on.

If I seem to have digressed from the whole happiness thing, well, I haven’t really. I mean it’s all kind of linked to what I was trying to say in the first place. Happiness should be taken from the moments. You know those short bursts of warm fuzzy happiness? Hang on to them, remember them, because that’s all you ever get; a long series of random moments of happiness.